The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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