Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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