My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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