It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
