now i know why i became what i already was.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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