No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is the high leading the old right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
