my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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