You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
