why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dicks are not precious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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