That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
