Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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