OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
