You're my little dorito
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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