So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
