ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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