Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this boner is exhausting
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
