In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
