Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
