Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
