you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
