his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
