Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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