I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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