Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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