I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
