Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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