you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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