i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
