I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I will pee on everything he values.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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