I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
