Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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