someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
