i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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