I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize