Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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