worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
