and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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