I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
