i'm signing you up for texting rehab
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
