Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
