i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
