you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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