Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
