the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
