sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
