4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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