fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
