I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
