i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
