Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
