I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
