Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
