mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
