you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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