I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
