Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
