my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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