Nicole vs. Life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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