i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
