That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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