ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
