Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
