my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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