oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
