You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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