Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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