Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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